Those of you who know me well know my passion for food. Particularly garlic and cheese. I never thought there would be a day that I would try a cheese I didn't like. Well, brace yourself for something dreadful: that day has come.
Here it is. Quajada and I are still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship at this point. As I opened the bag it was enclosed in, a pungent odor attacked my nostrils. Plenty of delicious cheese is stinky, I told myself as those blasphemous words from the blog bubbled to the surface of my consciousness. Plus, this cheese is wrapped in a banana leaf. That's awesome! It's gotta be awesome. In order to fully experience this cheese, I decided the first bite should be the cheese flying solo. Just pure, unadulterated quajada. Not the dumbest decision I have made, but pretty close. Before I had even closed my mouth, I regretted not only eating the cheese by itself, but purchasing it in the first place. The most foul tasting case of buyer's remorse I have ever experienced. You know that scene in The Princess Bride when the old lady is yelling at Buttercup and calling her names? The queen of filth...garbage...putrescence...I believe that Rob Reiner gave that lady some quesillo as inspiration for that scene. There are not enough words in the history of language to describe the nastiness of that cheese.
Do not succomb to the same foolish errors as I. I didn't trust the lady's blog because I didn't know her. But you know me. And you know my love for cheese. And therefore you know I am not lying when I say to you: THIS IS THE GROSSEST, NASTIEST, MOST DISGUSTINGLY FOUL CHEESE EVER MADE! It probably wouldn't even be worth eating if your life depended on it.
And that brings an end to this week's edition of The Crazy Honduran Food of the Week. Stay tuned for future (hopefully tastier) installments. over and out.
Hondurans don't have much of a national identity per se. However, there are two things that unify the people of this country: soccer and food. Although I barely showed even the tip of the iceberg, so to speak, in my previous entry, hopefully I have left you with the impression that a) Hondurans LOVE their national soccer team, and b) there is some freaking delicious food down here. Hondurans have many dishes that they proudly claim as their own- baleadas, mondongo soup, and conch soup to name a few. And there is a good reason for their pride. Every place I have gone, someone has told me about something that I "have" to eat. (I think that being skinny helps attract food suggestions...definitely not going to complain about that!) My landlord and coworkers constantly throw restaurant/meal suggestions at me. Students bring me food from their favorite comedor or (my favorite) that they have made. No Honduran had ever steered me wrong when it came to their delicious national food. Fool that I am, I began to believe that EVERYTHING here was delicious. Then the cheese man came into my life.
Around the time I moved down here, I began to read a blog by an expat living in La Ceiba (3rd largest city here in the Honduras). One of her entries mentioned Honduran cheese and how incredibly awful it was. "Surely not!" I thought to myself. "How can cheese not be good?" Alas, the madness that is moving soon distracted me from these unpleasant thoughts, and I soon forgot about this travesty.
Then one day at school, some of my students were telling me about foods that I needed to eat. Random foreign words were being flung at me in a verbal frenzy, yet in the chaos my ears picked up on the word "quajada". CHEESE! Although I did not believe what I read in the blog, I threw it out there that I heard it was kind of gross. You know...devil's advocate and all that. Immediately an angry swarm of Honduran students adamantly denied these allegations.
"Miss, it is the most delicious thing you will ever lay your lips on!" (yeah, they say cute things lke that)
"ay, no miss!! tan rico!" "Rrrrrico!" "Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrico!!!!!" (Spanish 101- the more r's you put at the beginning of the word "rico", the more delicious/awesome whatever you are describing is).
With all of those rolling r's, how could it be bad? I knew that blog was wrong! As luck would have it, the security guard for my apartment building approached me as I came home from a walk that very evening. Through a wonderful language we have concocted consisting of incorrectly used English words, Spanish words I don't really know, grunts, and hand gestures, he told me that the man driving a horse-drawn cart was coming and he sold the most delicious cheese in the world. Hand made. It was so Fiddler on the Roof (except with Honduran Catholic instead of a Russian Jew). Plus with all the rolling r's the guard threw in to describe the vast incredible-ness of this cheese, I couldn't resist. 30 Lps. (a little over $1) bought me a half a pound of the purportedly delicious cheese, and I was elated. It was even wrapped in a banana leaf or something cute and exotic. Being the white person I am, I ran inside to take pictures of it while thinking about what kind of crackers or fruit I should pair it with.
Here it is. Quajada and I are still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship at this point. As I opened the bag it was enclosed in, a pungent odor attacked my nostrils. Plenty of delicious cheese is stinky, I told myself as those blasphemous words from the blog bubbled to the surface of my consciousness. Plus, this cheese is wrapped in a banana leaf. That's awesome! It's gotta be awesome. In order to fully experience this cheese, I decided the first bite should be the cheese flying solo. Just pure, unadulterated quajada. Not the dumbest decision I have made, but pretty close. Before I had even closed my mouth, I regretted not only eating the cheese by itself, but purchasing it in the first place. The most foul tasting case of buyer's remorse I have ever experienced. You know that scene in The Princess Bride when the old lady is yelling at Buttercup and calling her names? The queen of filth...garbage...putrescence...I believe that Rob Reiner gave that lady some quesillo as inspiration for that scene. There are not enough words in the history of language to describe the nastiness of that cheese.Do not succomb to the same foolish errors as I. I didn't trust the lady's blog because I didn't know her. But you know me. And you know my love for cheese. And therefore you know I am not lying when I say to you: THIS IS THE GROSSEST, NASTIEST, MOST DISGUSTINGLY FOUL CHEESE EVER MADE! It probably wouldn't even be worth eating if your life depended on it.
And that brings an end to this week's edition of The Crazy Honduran Food of the Week. Stay tuned for future (hopefully tastier) installments. over and out.
Did I hear someone say quesillo? If you're gonna make a cheese run holla at me dog. I had a mixture of shinner and guiness (yes in the same glass) last weekend that would have paired excellently with this cheese. I now know what evil really tastes like.
That looks... nasty, Kelley. But I love you! You have fun stories from your worldly adventures!
-Holly
Each country has different native food, it is terrible to read your story, disrespecting the honduran food, maybe in other countries there are similar reaction for foreigners, could you be kinder and share yours bad experience confidencially, with your close friends...
You know what, you and that gringo lady at La Ceiba should pack up and move back to USA, what the hell are you two doing in Honduras??? you eat out of what you make in Honduras, why critizicing in such a nasty way..................I say nothing of your untasteful grits, or sweet beans so why the f...... are you still in Honduras go back to your junk food Miss Kelley
hey you whoever you are..............if you like rosquillas you should like CUAJADA and not quajada, LEARN how to spell correctly.
For your guidance Rosquillas are made from cuajada and corn...............go back to your filthy donuts and coffee, (do you really call that coffee) no way josé coffee should be strong and taste like coffee not that filthy water gringos drink..............