Kelley
I am currently grading my first round of end-of-quarter exams. Fellow teachers...why did you not tell me that grading finals was one of the most depressing events of your life? Or do you eventually become numb to the pain? Regardless. Grading triggered a chain of thoughts in my mind, and I began to think of some of the culture differences I have encountered since moving here. Some of them are pretty funny, which alleviated my mood, and I thought I would take a break from grading and share them with you. Avoidance, anyone?

FAMILY LIFE
Beginning with the most obvious, and perhaps the most stereotypical...families here are huge and started early. And if you don't have kids, there is probably something wrong with you. Most of the casual conversations I have been in with strangers have gone along these lines (after they've asked me what country I am from and tell me that I have pretty eyes):
THEM: So...do you live with your babies?
ME: No, I don't have any babies. I am here alone.
THEM: Oh, so you must miss your babies in the states.
ME: No. I don't have any babies.
THEM: Oh. (insert look of caution. They don't know if I'm barren, and they don't want to offend me) So do you live here with your husband?
ME: I don't have a husband. It is just me here.
THEM: (insert look and tone of confusion) Do you have a husband in the states?
ME: No. I don't have a husband.
THEM: (change look from confusion to incredulity) Boyfriend?
ME: No.
THEM: (insert look of concern) How old are you?
ME: 26
THEM: (increase the amount of concern) oh.
The concern shown by these people- sometimes strangers, sometimes neighbors or students- is neither masked nor subtle. It's a little funny. At this point in the conversation, I have encountered three different responses:
1- The Homophobe- Things get really awkward. You can almost hear the inner dialogue: "Is this tall white girl a lesbian? Why else would you not be married and a mother by age 26? She is from the states...they're a lot more liberal about these sorts of things. She isn't even a catholic!" At this point they take advantage of my limited Spanish to excuse themselves from the conversation. Any children with them are scooted along with them as well.
2- The Matchmaker- Things get really awkward. They immediately want to know why there are no children, husbands, or boyfriends. And then they want to help you out. They have brothers, cousins, and friends, all who are very nice, and all who will (probably) bemore than willing to help me make some babies. At this point I take advantage of my limited Spanish to excuse myself from the conversation.
3- The Skeezy Latino Man- Things get really awkward. They reiterate that I have pretty eyes. Then they concede that really in general I am pretty. Plus I am American. That makes up for how old I am. Then they propose. This response has come from literally every unmarried Honduran I have met with a Y chromosome.

FINE DINING
There is a ridiculous number of American restaurants down here. Dunkin Donuts, Baskin Robbins, Popeyes, KFC, Little Caesar's, Pizza Hut, McDonald's...the list goes on and on. In every major city, the local Applebee's is listed as the number one place to go for your special night out. You can almost feel the magic in the air. I have had many special nights here, but none of them the right amount of special to warrent a trip to Crapplebee's.

One of the young girls from the street cleans my apartment and cooks for me every now and then. She is really sweet (and she has a brother who thinks I'm pretty and would love to help me make babies). When my parents came down to visit, she asked if she could cook dinner for them. I thought that was a great idea, but I didn't really have anything in particular in mind. Yuri said, "You want it to be something really special for them, right?" Of course! I was very excited about them coming to visit. After a couple days, when little progress had been made on the decision making front, Yuri reiterated, "You want it to be something special for them," but then she added, "maybe you should order pizza." I choked back a laugh, and I'm glad I did, because she was being serious. I never even thought about how a food as mundane as pizza would be a huge treat for a poor family down here. Yuri ended up making Honduran style spaghetti and corn tortillas. oh yeah.

DAILY DINING
As many of you know, I can never work someplace that doesn't feed me well. The food down here is amazing (and not just the pizza!) and I have had a lot of fun eating my way around. While there are many food items that are very exotic, a huge part of the diet down here is...you guessed it: beans and tortillas. Almost everything you eat down here comes with a side of beans a couple tortillas. And fried plantain chips. They love the starches here. I am a fan of the beans, but not so much a fan of daily bean consumption. Yuri does not understand this. When she first started cooking for me, she made a HUGE pot of beans, but she wouldn't take any with her. Even if I begged her to do so. A large family would have struggled to get through that pot of beans in a week, but I did the best I could. When it was finally done, I asked Yuri to not make that amount of beans at once again. So I began to come home everyday to a pot of cooked beans on the stove. Again, she never took any home with her. I told her I don't eat beans everyday, and I didn't want them to go to waste. She nodded her head, said ok, and then made another pot of beans the next day. That cycle repeated itself a couple times. Then I took my container of beans to school and hid it in my desk.

DRIVING
Driving is an amazing experience here. At first it seems like there are no traffic laws at all. I discovered this is not the case when I got pulled over the other day for turning left when I didn't have an arrow. Even though there were no signs forbidding this, it is apparently illegal. Subsequently, this led to my first (and thus far only) successful experience bribing a police officer down here, because he definitely wanted to take me to jail. All of this to say...there are traffic laws down here...who knew?

Driving is a liberating, albeit somewhat nervewracking, experience down here. Despite the loosely applied and interpreted traffic laws, or perhaps because of them, you are basically in a no-holds-barred fight for access to your lane. Lane lines, curbs, other cars...these mean nothing to a Honduran driver if they want to get around you. It's amazing. Also...I think that it some sort of a law that you can only have one working headlight on your car. While other traffic laws may fall to the wayside, this law is adhered to with utmost reverence.

SOCCER- THE REAL FOOTBALL
Although I knew a lot of people who played soccer, I was never a huge soccer fan. And then I moved down here. These people take passion to a whole new level. It is really amazing. With all of this intensity going on around you, it is hard not to get caught up in the game. So now I am a big soccer fan. For an American. I don't ever think I will be able to match the Hondurans...they recently qualified for the 2010 World Cup. It was exciting. It was emotional. Some people cried. Some people celebrated. The president declared a national holiday. Wait, what? Yes, you heard right. They didn't even win the World Cup. Or a game at the World Cup. They just qualified to go to South Africa. And it was a holiday. The US also qualified for the World Cup. Sorry you suckers didn't manage to rustle a holiday out of that win. :)
7 Responses
  1. Unknown Says:

    First of all I would permanently leave the country if a holiday was declared for a soccer win. Secondly they have the most amazing pizza down there, don't know what they do different but it's good. So glad to see you blogging again.


  2. Anonymous Says:

    I laughed so hard about this today. Thanks for making my day. I was thinking about you earlier today. I prayed for you. I hope things are at least comical as you experience the culture shock.


  3. Sarah D Says:

    You made me laugh too. :) I miss you, #9! Praying for ya.


  4. Anonymous Says:

    Where have you been young lady! It's about time you took some much needed Avoidence time... I myself would never dream of doing such a thing, but I hear it may be fun? But I also hear something about a Lime in a Coconut, being fun as well? Can you get to the bottom of that too? Perhaps ask your chef, or the next time a concerned skeezy citizen asks about your ninos, ask them? They seem to be chock-full-of-nutty-answers. ;-)

    And about the "holiday," from what i can tell almost everyday down there is kind of a holiday. Of course they prolly think the same about us.

    I almost got caught up in soccer when I was over in Europe, don't worry it wears off quickly. ;-D

    WampGoal ©


  5. Kelley Says:

    John- I think it may have something to do with the unsanitary preparation. Some of the most delicious food I have eaten here has come from some of the most scandalous looking kitchens.

    Stephen- Glad I made you laugh! :) Thanks for your prayers, you have no idea how much that means to me. You are in mine, also, friend. And yes, culture shock can definitely be full f hilarity.

    Mrs. Delwood (!!!!)- I miss you, too!!! Your prayers are also so much appreciated. I'm praying for you on your new journey, as well! :)

    JJ- see, what you do is you put the lime in the coconut. Then you feel better. I'll show you soon. And yes, everyday is rather like a holiday here. Thank goodness Applebee's is open 7 days a week.


  6. Unknown Says:

    best food i've ever had was prepared on a hotplate in front of the hostel i was staying at in mexico city, so i think you're on to something.


  7. Anonymous Says:

    I remember when Crapplebee's was good here in the states... I think it's because i was younger and didn't have to pay for it. Please tell me they have Wanda Sykes still doing the talking Apple Commercials down there!? Get it Together! Baby!?

    Speaking of irrational food choices, I also used to love McDonald's 1/4 pounders, before my taste buds developed?! I've reluctantly had their consistent food on a few occasions while traveling abroad and they too are "better" than the stateside versions. But c'mon, that's not really a hard task to attain.

    I'm a firm believer that food tastes better when you've walked/done enough to EARN it. Or after trying local food enough to notice your body starts rejecting it, and some craptapular American food seems desirable again. It's also fun to see what's the same and different on the all the Fast-Food menus. And don't get me started on the Happy Meal toys...

    Wamplastic ©


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